Aftermath, Chapter 12, Dr Eden II
by Askait Amara
Summary: This is the twelfth chapter in my story about what happens after the storm. It takes place after Lauren leaves (for a second time though this time on great terms), Arizona's fight with Callie about parental rights, and Dr. Avery's proposal Syria proposal. This is an Arizona and Lauren positive piece, so please know this-if they're not your favorite pairing.


Aftermath, Chapter 12, Dr. Eden II

I do not own any character other than Dr. Eden. The rest belong to Grey's Anatomy & Co.

Arizona's settled into a chair opposite Dr. Eden. The past three days had been exhilarating and frustrating, beautiful and painful, healing and informative. She'd experienced emotional highs and lows and was reintroduced to an internal strength she'd almost forgotten. She'd felt the ecstatic sting of Cupids dart, and the burning fury of Aries wrath. Insecurity reared its ugly head, as well. Was she vulnerable, like Callie said, or was she heeding the call to resuscitate and reclaim the woman she was before the plane crash?

"It's good to see you again, Arizona. How are you?"

Arizona looked into the kind eyes of her trusted therapist and wasn't sure where to begin. She went over her mental list of all she wanted to discuss and opted for the most pressing concern. "I'm doing alright. I had a dispute with Callie though. She switched day-care facilities without consulting me. I found out from the hospital staff, not her. I was furious and tracked her down and demanded an explanation."

"How did that go?" Dr. Eden inquired softly.

"Not very well. I lost my temper completely which led to another panic attack." Arizona confessed.

Dr. Eden leaned forward in her chair. "I'm sorry to hear that. Were you able to use the coping skills and breathing techniques we discussed?"

"Actually, yes. It was a bit touch and go at first, but I pulled through. It helped that I left the conversation before I lost it entirely."

"Where did you go?"

"I found a quiet place in the stairwell where I could be alone and focus on my breathing. I told myself over and over that I was safe, like we discussed."

"It sounds like you did quite well. How long did it last?"

"This one was nowhere near as long as the others. I experienced the same chest pain though. It was frightening."

Dr. Eden nodded slowly and offered empathy.

Arizona noticed the softness in her gaze and continued. "Then the next day, which was yesterday, Callie stopped by my office. I felt better, so I agreed to talk, but only after I made it clear that I felt like she had ignored my parental rights. Things got heated after that. She basically said she switched daycare to prevent me from introducing Sofia to Lauren. Which is absolutely absurd, in my opinion. Why on earth would I introduce Sofia to Lauren this early in our?" Arizona couldn't finish her sentence. She wasn't sure how to label whatever it was she and Lauren were doing. To say they were dating felt like an understatement, but yet it was the most appropriate term.

Dr. Eden noticed Arizona's unfinished sentence, and prioritized topics. She decided to ask about Callie first, and Lauren later. "Callie told you she switched daycare so you wouldn't introduce Sofia to Lauren?"

"Yes. She asked for ground rules around who I introduce our daughter to in the future."

"How do you feel about her request?"

"Actually, I think it's reasonable. I'm insulted by her accusation, but she's thinking of Sofia, and I can't fault her for that. Plus, I have a slight suspicion she's seeing someone and establishing rules around who our daughter spends time with is a good thing, any way you look at it. Ultimately, it's a chance for me to state my concerns, as well."

"You suspect Callie is seeing someone?"

"It was just something she intimated, well that's not the right word, she didn't intimate, it's more like she let it slip. She said she used the new daycare on evenings and weekends because it was close to home. I asked her why she didn't bring Sofia to me and she wouldn't answer, which made it obvious that she didn't want me to know she had evening or weekend plans."

"So, your suspicion stems from something she didn't say?"

"Yeah, I guess." Arizona said appreciating the reality check. Dr. Eden was a stickler for not assuming something is fact, until proven.

"If Callie told you she was seeing someone, how would you feel?"

"Honestly, I'd feel a little jealous, but I'm not sure I have a right to."

"How so?"

"If Callie is seeing someone, it's because I cheated. So what right do I have to be jealous? It just seems ridiculous." Arizona said flatly.

"You have a right to feel whatever you're feeling, Arizona. It's important to remember that you two were in therapy trying to work things out."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Well, it seemed to me that your therapy goal was to heal the past and dismantle the barriers that kept you apart. I'm not sure your therapeutic plan included either of you seeing other people. If Callie did start seeing someone, it would have broken the terms, just like they were broken several months ago when you interacted with Lauren."

"Hmmm… In the beginning, the ultimate goal was to work things out. I sometimes wonder if I hadn't moved out, if we would have stayed together. We were both so angry and hurt that sleeping under the same roof was unbearable. You know, I can't blame Callie for wanting to see other people though, she's an extremely extraverted person and she craves companionship."

Dr. Eden remained silent, hoping Arizona would continue.

Arizona suddenly realized she didn't want to dissect her tinge of jealousy any longer. There were far more important things she needed to work though. Quietly and quite vulnerably she said, "I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly. I might need to take some time off and go down the coast and be alone for a few days. I have a lot to sort through. Dr. Avery asked Lauren and I to take lead roles in a project that will ultimately have us spending a lot more time together and I want to be one-hundred percent certain about my reasons for accepting, or declining, his proposal."

"That's sound very wise, Arizona. Do you think you will be able to get the time off?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely. Owen has been extremely supportive."

Dr. Eden remembered Arizona's earlier struggle to define her relationship with Lauren and said. "We haven't discussed your conversation with Lauren yet. How did that go?"

Arizona smiled and sat up straighter. She was grateful for the opportunity to talk about Lauren. She needed to and had no one to share the intimate details with. "It felt really good to see her again. We spoke at length about what happened between us, and the repercussions that occurred after. She apologized for coming on strongly, which was nice to hear, though completely unnecessary. I made it clear to her that I was as invested in the sexual encounter as she was. Our conversation came easily, as usual, and the energy and connection between us was just as strong as it was three months ago. I kind-of lost myself in it and impulsively asked her out." Arizona stopped herself there and waited for Dr. Eden's reaction.

Dr. Eden suspected there was more and gently inquired, "Did Lauren accept your invitation?"

Arizona stunningly blue eyes provided an obvious answer. She reinforced her look by verbally adding, "Yes, we went out that same evening and had an amazing time. I told her I'd like to get to know her better and take things slowly. She thought it was a good idea. I dropped her at her hotel after and felt really proud of myself for stating my needs and holding a boundary. The next day, I had the blow up with Callie, however, and went to see her. Whilst there, I had a complete melted down and basically fell apart right in front of her."

"A meltdown? You mean a panic attack?"

"Yeah, well no, I mean not entirely. I think it was more like reverberations from the attack I had the day before. What happened with Lauren was different. With Callie, I couldn't stay in the room and had to leave the situation, but with Lauren, I didn't feel the same need to flee. I was able to talk though what was happening, as it was happening. She was very understanding, and comforting."

"And you think it was residual from not finding Sofia in daycare?" Dr. Eden asked with an inquisitive tone.

"Yeah, well that and it felt like Callie had all the control and I had none.

"What happened with Lauren to bring it back up?"

"That's where things get kind of ugly. Lauren had a run in with Callie who accused her of taking advantage of me," Arizona said searching Dr. Eden's face for a readable reaction.

"Advantage how?"

"Callie used the term vulnerable to describe me, which is something I wanted to ask you about. Do you think I chose to have an affair with Lauren because I'm vulnerable or have some kind of PTSD related vulnerability?"

Dr. Eden looked deeply into Arizona's eyes and replied directly, "I don't think you're acting out sexually, if that's what you mean."

Arizona suddenly realized the absurdity of her question. She laughed inwardly and said, "I don't think I'm acting out sexually either, but I've never been able to pin down the exact reason why I cheated."

Dr. Eden had worked with Arizona long enough to know how deeply affected she was over the guilt of having hurt her family. She hoped to deliver words that would put Arizona's concerns to rest, once and for all. "Arizona, I have PTSD clients affected by sexual impulsivity and their trauma stems from different forms of sexual abuse and sexual assault."

Arizona appreciated Dr. Eden's directness and decided to ask one follow up question, just to put her mind at ease. "So you don't think that I made an impulsive decision due to some form of vulnerability?"

Dr. Eden appreciated Arizona's persistence and said, "Arizona, I don't see you as vulnerable. People cheat on their partners all the time, and the majority of their indiscretion is rooted in unhappiness. It's as simple as that."

Arizona heard Dr. Eden's words. She felt relief and made a decision to be kinder to herself.

Dr. Eden quickly continued, "I'd like to ask you a question about the plane crash, if you don't mind.

Arizona nodded and said, "I don't mind."

"Since the crash, have you felt emotionally or physically trapped, in any way?"

Arizona's mind flashed back to that night and the way her leg was pinned under debris. She remembered wanting desperately to break free and treat her wound and the wounds of those around her. The crying, the moaning, the sounds of the forest and the crackling of fire resounded in her head, as well. Even though she was sitting across from Dr. Eden in safe environment, she felt like a part of her was still trapped in the woods and was anything but safe. Her heart raced as she remembered a time when she couldn't lift herself from her wheelchair, and another when she couldn't manage her prosthetic well enough to keep her balance. She considered these experiences to be perfect examples of times when she felt physically trapped. She nodded, but didn't speak.

Dr. Eden waited.

She then circled back to the original question and considered whether she felt emotionally trapped in any way. It occurred to her that there were times when she did. Not being able to see Sofia when she wanted was a perfect example. Legally she had no rights to her daughter, and until joint custody terms were formalized, she had no control of the situation. "There have been times when I have felt physically and emotionally trapped," she said softly.

Dr. Eden leaned in once again and showed genuine concern. "Arizona, do you remember when we first met and I told you about Life Wellness in Big Sur and asked you to consider going there as a way of augmenting our work together?"

Arizona let her mind drift back to their conversation and remembered that she had felt overwhelmed by the idea of being in individual therapy, couples therapy **_AND_** a five day inpatient program. She nodded and said, "Yes."

"You said the time wasn't right and I told you I would bring it up again in the future. Do you remember?"

"Yes."

"Well, the future is here."

Arizona inhaled slowly and considered Dr. Eden's proposal. In the past three months, she'd grown much stronger and was learning to share her feelings, rather than compartmentalize and process on her own. At the same time, she knew her fear of losing Sofia was causing severe unrest and that there was a long way to go before the joint custody terms would be formalized. She closed her eyes and opened herself to the idea. Intuitively, it seemed right and without second-guessing said, "Okay, I'll go."

Dr. Eden smiled widely and with a tone that revealed genuine warmth said, "Wonderful. I'll make the call this afternoon and you can probably check in tomorrow."

"I don't know if I'm feeling strong enough to get on a plane, just yet. I'll need to drive down and I'm not sure I could get there so soon," Arizona confessed.

Dr. Eden acknowledged Arizona's concern and said, "I can set it up for the day after tomorrow, if that's better?" Then added, "One of the things I like most about Life Wellness is their inclusion of EMDR. They use eye movement desensitization reprocessing to treat and cure the symptoms of big T and little T trauma. While there, you can choose EMDR to treat any flying anxiety you might have, if you so choose."

Arizona recalled a patient's mother whose fear of chemotherapy was so great that she could barely bring her daughter in for treatments. She found a therapist who specialized in EMDR and was cured of her anxiety. "I actually know a little about EMDR and am willing to give it a try," she said confidently.

Dr. Eden smiled again. "I'll let you know as soon as the arrangement are made."

"Thank you," Arizona replied. She checked her watch and realized they were out of time. It occurred to her that they hadn't discussed her sexual encounter with Lauren, like she'd hoped, but she didn't feel anxious about it, or like she was hiding an important piece of her story. Her interactions with Lauren were not the root cause of her anxiety. She stood to go and noticed an odd sense of relief. This was one of those therapy sessions that brought about great insight, she thought to herself. Before taking her leave, she made direct eye contact with Dr. Eden and said, "I really appreciate your help."

Dr. Eden held eye contact and said, "I'm glad to be a part of your healing journey. I think you're doing amazing work."

After leaving Dr. Eden's office, Arizona took the elevator past Peds and went directly to the hospital daycare. She spent a good hour with Sofia before letting Owen know of her plans to leave for California in the morning. She trusted he would make the necessary arrangements to cover her shifts and was grateful she didn't have any pressing surgeries on the books for the next week. Taking care of her emotional and physical well-being was the greatest gift she could give herself, and she wasn't going to pass this opportunity by.


End file.
